she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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