I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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