i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
