Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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