The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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