Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize