did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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