So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
