The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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