It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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