ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
