I'm going to jail i love you
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
