Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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