Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
