I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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