i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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