Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
