i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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