Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
