physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
