I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
