Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize