Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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