I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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