youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
