hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
