sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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