cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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