I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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