He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
