I'm going to jail i love you
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
