Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
