i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize