theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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