smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
