Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
