Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
