I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
only you would photoshop your dick
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
