I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
