Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
