p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
