Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
