btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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