I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
