thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
