You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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