Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize