mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
