i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
