Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
