this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize