I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
