What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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