JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
