dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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