Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
