Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
