Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
babies were throwing up all over the place
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
