but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
