That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
