if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bang-toberfest begins!!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
