I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
