i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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