woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
