waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
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