The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
