You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
