I think I died a long time ago.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
