handjob tips. give me some.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
