Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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