what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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