the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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