As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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