I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
