I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
