I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
