So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
