consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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