I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
