I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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