I heard we made out
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
