I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
