what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
