After last night, I could never be a politician.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
