Need sex. Gaining weight.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
