I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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