I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
