I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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