dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
