i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
