I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize