we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
