So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
