so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
