I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
