Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
