good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I would fuck him just for his dog
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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