Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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