How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
