I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize