This girl is more easily done than said...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
