watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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