haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
