I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have already put on my inside pants.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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