the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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