i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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