Dignity is for republicans.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
