so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize