carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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