i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
