I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
