just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
