Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
