So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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